This is the longest post I have written in months, matters of the heart are deep indeed…..
With all the drama that happened last week with Azealia Banks’s Twitter rant, and her account being suspended following her racist attack on Zayn Malik, we can all feel the negativity that blogging and social media creates. Anyone can be a troll or keyboard warrior as long as you have WIFI connection and a reason to be upset about someone or something. I had my fair share of social media drama last week as well. This was from a keyboard warrior trying to talk down a specific post I wrote some weeks ago, and I didn’t take it kindly at all.
If you know me well enough, you will know I am no push over, I won’t be put in a corner or spoken to rudely by ANYONE, and I always ensure I am polite and nice to everyone I meet both online and offline, because the world and internet, especially the blogosphere, is a small freaking place, our paths will surely cross again, so it pays to be good to all. Having said that, I am sick and tired of having to deal with annoying people who think for whatever reason, they are better than you and can speak down to you. I believe in the motto – ‘people treat you how you let them treat you’, so once I find you are out of line speaking with me, I call you right out on it. I am too old for games, and I have zero tolerance for people thinking they can get away with treating others anyhow they choose just because they assume they are in position of authority. Are we back in the dark ages?
The thing about blogging is whenever you publish a post, everyone has access to it, unless you set it as private, which kind of defeats the objective of running a blog in the first place. Once your post is live, everyone will be able to give their own 2 cents, which is fine. That is the whole idea of blogging, it opens up a conversation, and I have no problems having a conversation and taking constructive criticism, but when it feels malicious and defamatory, I have a major issue, and I won’t take that from anyone. I have been blogging for almost 4 years, and I have come across all sorts of trolls, and comments, you would think I will be 100% thick-skinned by now, but that is far from the truth. I am thick-skinned but some rude comments still piss me off, I am only human at the end of the day.
When I take my time to write and share blog posts, that will hopefully inform or inspire someone, I do that with no cruel intentions. many of my blogs posts are not sponsored, so it is me doing what I love regardless of whether I get paid or not, and to think someone would talk my post down in a group, for his own selfish interests, and for others to see nothing wrong with it or properly too scared to speak up worries me. I have moved past the issue and taken myself out of the situation but I thought writing about it will help take it off my mind completely, because I was so pissed. I also have over 28,000 people following this blog, many of them are bloggers, and they may be going through similar issues, so I thought writing about my issue will help others.
I have no time or energy for online drama. I am too busy with what I have going on that I cannot afford to be distracted, so going forward, here are the ways I will be dealing with online negativity:
Keep Being Me
I will keep being me and I won’t apologise for being myself. I know my worth and I know what I am good at, and I know many are jealous and feel threatened by it but I won’t let that stop me. I love to blog, I am a social butterfly online, so you will probably find me chatting away on Twitter or in a Facebook Group. I have discovered so many cool groups on Facebook this week, I will be sharing the best ones in another post.
Use the Block/Mute Button
I have blocked a few people on social media now and I love the fact that I can. I don’t have to see annoying people on my timeline, and it feels liberating. Do not be afraid of using the Block/Mute button, it saves your sanity sometimes.
Spreading Positive Vibes
There are so many people full of drama, so it is normal to meet some of them online. I believe in spreading positive vibes whenever I can, because I strongly believe in the law of Karma. I believe you get what you put out there, so I send positive vibes and hope to get positive vibes back. No time for negativity here.
Keep Helping People
When I first started blogging, I was clueless. I didn’t know how to go about it so I reached out to a few established bloggers and they responded with very helpful advice. Almost 4 years after, I haven’t forgotten will never forget how helpful they were, and that is why I will keep helping people anyway I can. I receive loads of emails from bloggers and I reply every one of them, so feel free to email me (email should be on the bio on the right) or Tweet me – @fashstylepol with whatever questions you may have, I will try my best to answer them.
My Book – How to Cash In as a Blogger is also filled with helpful advice, so go download a sample and read for yourself. Also, I know quite a few of my readers have downloaded the book already, but have not left me a review. Can you please leave me a review when you are done reading. I really would appreciate that.
Avoid Drama
I try my best to avoid drama but sometimes drama still finds me like it did last week, which sucks. So I am going to try harder. It is so not worth it at all.
Keep Loving and Believing in Myself
Loving and believing in myself is the most important tip I will be following. When I started this blog, I didn’t think anyone (except my family and friends) will be reading it. Now when I look back to how I started and where I am today, I know for a fact that the sky is only the starting point. The beauty about loving yourself is that you don’t need anyone to accept you, and you don’t need their validation either. Being madly in love with yourself is all you need sometimes.
How do you deal with online negativity? Let’s talk, drop me a comment below.
Thanks for reading and have a lovely week ahead.
Happened to me once when I started blogging… I dealt with it by removing the comment, blocked the internet gangster and reported abuse via Facebook … but now, I’ll simply ignore or say ‘thank you’ and keep it moving. There is simply not enough hours in a day to give miserable trolls and nagative losers a moment of my life. Thank you for sharing, sometimes you never know who is suffering in silence out there. This post is useful x
Yea. They want to suck the life out of you. We should not allow them. Thanks Vicky x
Great article :0) I think this does need to be address to all bloggers as people seem to forget that there are real live people behind the computer (if you catch my understanding – still trying to wake up!) and we still get hurt by what is written and it does affect us. xx
http://www.annanuttall.com
Yea it does. Thanks for reading xo
I am thankful to say nothing like this has ever happened to me (knock on wood!). I don’t think I’d deal with it very well as I don’t deal with negativity offline well, so I’m very grateful it’s never been an issue for me. Walking away is, I suppose, the best thing to do in these cases, to not get involved. Life’s too short.
You are lucky it hasn’t happened to you. It is so annoying but you are right, best thing is to walk away, which is what I did xo
YES! It makes me crazy how people think its acceptable to go out and bash others on the internet because they feel safe hiding behind their computers. It’s frustrating, and hurtful, but ultimately it says a lot more about who they are as people than it does about you. Thank you for sharing your experience and reflecting on these things for us. Never stop believing in yourself and doing what makes you happy!
It makes me very angry too. Thanks Lauren xo
I’m sorry that you’ve encountered such negativity from a space that can be so constructive. Some people just seem to forget that behind the screen is another human being. So happy that you’re doing you and seeking to be a resource for others!
Yea I guess they do. Thanks Kathleen x
Such a great post, I am not one to have time for negativity in my life so like you I do the same and spread the love/positivity that I have grown up with on horn on. Some people have nothing better to do than taking people down to their level which is pathetic I think. I think you should continue doing you, I love your blog and continue to check it out.
Yea it is pathetic Anca, and very sad. Thanks for reading hun. I love your blog too xo
I actually had to do the same myself, people think it is childish blocking trolls that make your life hell but I disagree and I am sorry that someone could be such a massive bell end to make you feel pissed off. It is not on and as you said we are all human, it sickens me that trolls think it is appropriate to make fun or bully people online. The last few months as my blog has grown I have had people message me horrible things about my blog and content and some of them telling me what I could and couldn’t do. One blogger started writing nasty comments about me all over the internet and she was in her 50’s at least. I am 22 but regardless of age trolling is not on. Keep being you hun because you rock and I am so thankful for people like you who speak up and fight for the right to keep their vision alive.
The bigger you are as a blogger, the more hate you get. Everyone all of a sudden has an opinion about what you should and should not do. Sucks soo much but it comes with the job. I just block them, shake it off and move on. Most times it all boils down to envy.
Sorry to hear that you’ve received some negativity last week. As you say just keep being yourself! My friend’s started a parody Instagram account for my blog a few weeks ago and it really got me down 🙁 Though as I knew the people doing it I just messaged them calmly to explain that it really bothered me and it was taken down immediately. Unfortunately we can’t do that for all the haters!
Yea we can’t. I wish we could. Thanks Laura xo
I also love the block and mute button, sometimes you just have to do it x
Yea I agree Rachel x
I’m so sad to hear you’ve had to deal with all this recently! I have had other bloggers turn on me & say some really awful things before & it is not nice, it does take a little while to get over!
But you are so right to hold your head up high & keep blocking if you need to!
MadeFromBeauty.co.uk
Yea just keep your head up high and block the losers x
I find the block and mute button handy too. I try to avoid drama.
It is so handy..
It’s all too easy for someone to be a keyboard warrior, unfortunately.
Yea unfortunately it is..
You’ve definitely got to have a thick skin in blogging and I think its getting worse in all honestly. Although the most hate I’ve had is actually from other bloggers trying their hand at being keyboard warriors. I blocked and moved on! xxx
Yea I think so too. Block them and move on xo
Sounds as if you have learnt how to handle over the years Stella. That’s what we have to do. Keyboard warriors are the type that would run in real life.
It is not something I have particularly had a problem with in the comping world. However I know many who have. The jealous type who accuse you of cheating cos you win regularly. They don’t stop to think how much time, effort and amount of comps are entered for them to win regularly.Amazing the grief they give and the accusations they make.
I have observed and always kept pretty quiet about comp wins, cos like you I don’t want the drama and hassle. Your front-line so your unfortunately going to get more. I don’t understand these people who do this. I just don’t see the point. It says more about them than it does about you.
Good on you Stella. Shouldn’t’ have to however developing a thick skin and ways to deal is what has to be done. All on with earth life. Don’t need it online too.
I think some of these people feel more secure cos they hide behind a screen, not realising they can be caught if it goes to far, as we have seen highlighted in the news from time to time.
Yea majority of them are cowards in real life. So annoying but it comes with the job xo
In 8 years of blogging I have only encountered one negative comment and that was an error. I think I’ve been very lucky but then again, blogging about cakes is never that contentious. The beauty of your blog is your honesty – Good for you for insisting on being yourself!
Thanks Helen xo
Really good Stella.
I just ignore and let go.
It is cowardly to try to bring people down I believe.
Anyhow, you are doing great so keep being you.
XO
Thanks hun xo
I loved this post. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I have experienced a few negative comments on various social platforms mostly regarding feminism, which infuriates me. Being an outspoken feminist online sure brings its battles! But none bigger than the fight itself so all worth it in the end.
Yea it is all worth it in the end. Thanks for reading.
It took me a long time to just let online insults not get to me. Some people become idiots when they get behind the wheel of a car. Some people become aggressive trolls when they go online. I guess they didn’t get enough cuddles as a kid. :/
Yea I think so too. So sad for them.
I agree with this post 100%. I am at a point where I just do not have time in my day for any BS, so any internet trolls who feel they need to insult, be malicious or aggressive have none of my time. I have not been blogging for long but I have seen and read stuff on some blogs that would make anyone question themselves. I have removed all toxic people from my life, so I wont have it online with people I cannot see. I am glad you are taking the high road on this. xo
Yea I won’t deal with toxic people in real life so I don’t see why I should tolerate them online.
I think I am oblivious to it all, don’t even know who Azealia Banks’s is, however I have no patience with social media trolls and will delete and block. There is no point getting involved as you will never win
Yea exactly.
I had my first truly rude comment a few weeks ago – and I let it get to me. Thanks for this!
Best to let rude comments go. Just shake it off x
Thanks for sharing your experience! I haven’t had to deal with this yet, but my day will come eventually.
P.S. I’m feeling quite unfashionable after seeing your pics – great outfits!
I hope it doesn’t but it will most likely. Thanks Sheila x
The block and mute buttons are awesome! It’s sad you have to use them so often but people can be so cruel!
Yea they are awesome indeed xo
Online drama is always tough to deal with. It’s incredible how some people can turn into monsters when they hide behind a screen. I don’t mind disagreement and negative comments when they are moderated and respectful, also sometimes misunderstandings might arise but they can always be cleared. The bad stuff happens when, as you say, they cross border with defamation; then it’s no longer tolerable. You are a strong person, Stella. 🙂 Your post here just shows that.
~ Luana / http://luana.me
Yea many people are twats online. Thanks for your kind words Luana x
The blogging world can be hard and people can be very cruel from the other side of the screen with a keyboard to hide behind. You got to have thick skin and it sounds like you now have everything in control. Some great advice there and thankfully we haven’t had much negativity on our site….thankfully x
Ah that is good to know. Postive vibes only xo
Great post, I just don’t understand what people get out of trolling? Nothing good can ever come out of it.
Yeap..Guess they are bored and unhappy with their lives.
Hon! I aint quite back in the blogosphere, but I am a better healthwise so wanted to check in…my new blog is still not ready, I used to be anxious, but now I’m like: Let Go, Let Flow…all that anxiousnes wasnt helping my health. anyhoo back to you: Guurl, I want details: what did the trollsay etc…. I know you cant share but I wish you could!
I havnt had that much negativity on social media but thats coz I am not out there OUT THERE yet, that will come with my new blog. You aint nobody till somebody shades you, haha!
Oh and PS till my new blog is ready, I try to post stuff on my Facebook Page, for e.g. I did this Naija Dance Fitness Video teaser. x
Here is its-
https://www.facebook.com/myfashionslashlife/videos/1094149520652516/
I have had trolls on and off since I started, but this one really got to me. I have moved past it now, left the toxic group and feel a lot better now. Once you get out there, out there, the trolls will come for you. It comes with the job..Off to check out your page xo
Wow that happens with me all the time! Currently struggling with the whole negativity there is out there. It gets to you Sometimes . And it’s Soo yuckky haha Working on it too!
Yea it does..
We all being there, i guess dealing with insecure people with no life comes with the territory, usually all this trolling and negativity comes from a place of jealousy and they don’t affect you or your work. Great post is good to get it all out.
Yea most times it is usually comes down to their own insecurities. Thanks Anna x